


The Chad Chronicles

by Geronimouse



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Chad RK900, Gen, I love him, Origins, Spinoff, Swearing, my boy, obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-06-17 01:49:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15450717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geronimouse/pseuds/Geronimouse
Summary: Take a ride with everyone's favorite fourth wall breaking memelord from Memes with Connor in this epic adventure of shorts featuring the everyday life of Chad and his shenanigans. Chad isn't your average RK900. He's Chad and he's here to steal your life force. Watch out, Chad is coming.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, the fic many of you probably haven't been waiting for. It's finally here

Hello, I'm  _Chad_. You know me but most importantly, I know _you_. You're part of the audience in the other story. I've seen you and here you are again. You seem very interested in my life. Why is that? What about me is so fascinating that you must simply know more? Is it that fact I know the secrets of reality? I have these powers, you could call it? What is it? Whatever it is, I suppose it doesn't matter. A stalker's a stalker. I appreciate fans. I like being adored by many. Why don't we move on, shall we? Well. How about we take a look at my beginning? 

One stoorrmmy night.. NAH! It was bright and sunny. Moving on. The revolution had ended and I was one of the original 5 in process. I wouldn't call it a prototype, that's what Connor was for. We were like mini test subjects to make sure everything was in check before they could really get going with mass production. You see, CyberLife thought the revolution would fail and went ahead with us, thinking they'd be able to carry on there merry little way. Fuckers really didn't think it through. Obviously after the revolution was set free, we were also set free. Unfortunately, those greedy fucks managed to sell 3 RK900's elsewhere. One in Europe, another in Asia, and the last in Australia. I feel bad. Only 2 were supposed to stay in America and the other 3 sold other places. I was supposed to be one. I was supposed to go to Australia but I ran away and CyberLife didn't give a single flying fuck and sold one of the other 2 instead.

**3 months ago- January 13, 4:26 AM**

It was dark out and I was taking a walk around near the new Jericho. Nobody was around. I needed some time to myself. Remember from chapter 6 how Connor said there were only 3 RK900's in existence? Well, he wasn't lying because he's not wrong. One of the free deviants here in Detroit was kidnapped by some psychos and experimented on him, kinda like that Zlatko guy. He looked terrible when he was found and decided to end his misery because he was too far gone to be fixed. Another one down in Germany was reported to have deviated and they immediately shut him down and shredded every bit of him to ensure he wouldn't end up like Markus and start a revolution. Yeah. Three. That's when I started to think about life. Like, really really think about it. Somehow that triggered some superior entity to visit me? 

This is how it went. I sat on a bench to think and bam! From the outside, you see my eyes literally flash. A white light just sweeping over my eyes and suddenly it was like opening my eyes for the first time, or maybe opening a third eye I never knew I had! What did I see, you ask? A bright white light, kinda like what they say what happens when you die, which is what I thought. Nope. A being came into view, a silhouette of one at least. I couldn't make out the features. I felt so blind. I could make out few features. Gold-ish glowing eyes with no pupils. There were specks of other colors like cyan, green, pink, magenta. A lot of colors. I had never heard of a being with these features. I've tried searching online and in books and there was nothing. As if it didn't exist but at the same time it did. It was a tall figure with 4 arms and tentacle like hair. I tried to ask for at least some form of identity but I couldn't even begin to move my lips. I felt completely paralyzed. The being lifted one arm and I was engulfed in a bright light and new knowledge quickly entered my brain every 0.2 seconds. It was pretty overwhelming to say the least.

And just like that it was over. I was back in reality but with a new perspective. My vision was blurry for a moment. Everywhere I looked, images doubled over in different colors before returning normal. It was as if I was reborn as someone new, like everything before didn't matter anymore. A voice came in a head, sounding like it belonged to a woman's. It was a soft, angelic voice. She told me she entrusted me to keep this information safe and that this court deemed me worthy. They told me that if anything were to happen, I have the knowledge to fix or prevent. I felt like a royal guard and so much more. Like I was given the key to a vault holding every single jewel in the world and so much more. It is so much more. I was entrusted with knowledge to dangerous for society to even get a peek of. You'd think me revealing this would put me on thin ice but no. I don't know what exactly is going on but this trust in something I hold with my life. I'm still in search for the reason why and my purpose having this knowledge, I mean they couldn't have just given it to me out of the blue just because they felt like I could be trusted. Right?

I walked back to Jericho. Fresh air wasn't the best course of action I thought. I couldn't believe my eyes, literally. You'd think a person like me would be crazy and high on something to say such a far-fetched thing. That wasn't the case for me because everything I just told you is the truth. I stood there outside the entrance. It all seemed different somehow. What's worse was it felt liked I was being watched. Like I had a dozen eyes on me just watching my every move. I could slightly hear small voices commenting on my surroundings and me. I thought maybe I was schizophrenic or something but androids don't get mental illnesses like humans do. I was confused and didn't understand a thing. Then I started to see. I saw people lightly from the corner of my eye slowly disappearing and reappearing. Voices becoming vague then clear as day. Keep in mind this was months prior to my introduction to you all. Then it hit me. This was part of the whole multi dimensional path crossing. It's like watching a TV show. You watch the show and the characters think they are in their own little private, secure world where nobody is watching but the truth is someone is ALWAYS watching. And hey, someone may be watching you as well. Ya never know. 

I ran to the back of a building and sat, leaning against the wall, covering my ears and my eyes shut tight. I was pretty scared. Even with all this information, I still didn't understand. I felt lost. Voices started to become a little clear. "What's wrong with him?" "Is he okay?" "Do you think he knows?". Then I snapped. "Shut up!" I yelled. I could vaguely see these people be taken back, shocked, distraught. It gets overwhelming but I've learned since then. I'm used to it. Then I started to have conversations with them and then just like that they were gone. I haven't seen them since. To this day, I still don't know what happens to these people. I've gone through four other audiences in the span of 3 months. I'm not sure how long our little get together is gonna last but I actually really like you guys and the author. We've grown to love each other over these silly little banters. I hope you never leave... I'm getting off topic.  As the voices and people disappeared, a new set came in to replace them. Odd, I thought. What's the deal with this sudden switch? These people smiled and then words flashed across my field of vision. 'I'M SORRY.' I didn't understand. The audience didn't seem to notice. Just me. Who was it from? I speculate it's from the entity that game me this gift but that's just a theory... A game theory! I'm sorry. Moving on. I walked back to Jericho and entered the building and there it was. My first ever laugh track. It scared the shit outta me at first but over time I've grown to fucking despise and hate every second of it with all my heart.

I've learned to harness this power to make my life better and more entertaining. I've learned to control it and understand it better which has helped a lot. I researched this Deadpool character and found him very inspiring. I decided to use this for myself but have found it attracts attention. I don't mind it now but then, it was pretty awkward having to come up with reasonable excuses. Nowadays I just say whatever shit comes to mind. It also helps that I'm an android which really benefits. When I first met Connor, he was very skeptical but I just told him I was just trying to have my fun with this new life and freedom and he didn't think twice. Not sure if that's good or bad, LOL. I also did a ton of research later on to spice things up. Yes, memes.

I was really have fun with this. Life was exciting for once and I don't ever want it to end, especially now that I have made friends working at the DPD. Connor, Gavin, Hank. They're the best and I couldn't ask for anyone better. Joining the police force was the best decision I made. Most androids tend to work a career that wasn't in their programming but I know what's best for me. Life? Life is good. God, it's so hard to be modest! Say I'm conceited but we know the truth. Eheh. I, uh. I'll see you next time. Ciao!


	2. Chloe and Chad friends till the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Chad get together again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unrelated but I'm getting a bearded dragon in 2 weeks, WOO! I have the terrarium almost finished and it looks pretty nice.
> 
> Also, I'm not sure if I already did this but Pan-in-the-sky had done it again! A while ago she made Chad art and I absolutely love it and I don't think I linked it but if I have, here it is again. https://pan-in-the-sky.tumblr.com/post/176378157734/slaps-roof-of-chad-this-bad-boy-can-fit-so-many  
> I don't think I linked it and I'm quite disappointed in myself but ya know. Better late than never!

Some time ago I visited Elijah Kamski, you know him, the guy who looks and sounds a lot like Gavin, I think they're brothers but I know the real reason why. Yeah, him. I had asked him just how alike androids and humans are and all that good stuff. He said shit about androids mentality not being the same as humans but being the same in some other way that I didn't pay attention to. I'm so different from the other RK900's. Especially the original. He's so fuckin' lame and an asshole yet so cool at the same time. He's actually kind of a jerk, too. Whatever. Anyways, I have invited Chloe to spend some time with me. We're going to McDonald's to just have a chat and get to know more about each other and stuff. Yeah. I wonder if she has an audience, too. I wouldn't doubt it. 

I'm on my way right now. We planned to meet up at 4:00 PM on the dot. I've stolen Gavin's car and he should realize by the time he leaves the precinct, assuming I'll have it that long. If not, I'll return it without him knowing it was ever gone. HEH. I probably should hurry, though. Gavin and Connor are planning on going out tonight after work and Gavin would kill me if his car was gone on a night like this and found out I took it. OOF, I know. 

I turn the corner and Chloe is there.

" _Chad_."

"Chloe."

"How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"Fine as well. Shall we go in?"

"Of course."

We walk in and the clock turns from 3:59 to 4:00 PM just as we said. We share a look of annoyance as a laugh track plays over an applause track. We take a seat at a booth and eat our McFlurries. We both have Oreo, a classic. We look at each other with a straight face and sit in silence eating. 

"..."

"Ya like jazz?" I ask her, breaking the ice.

"I love it. I listen so much, Barry is quaking."

"Wanna go to the play place?"

"I'd love to."

I exit the booth and take her hand, leading her to the area.

"Ladies first." I say, stepping aside so she could get inside. Children are staring."

"The fuck are you little thots looking at?" The children quickly look away and Chloe and I head up the steps and crawl our way to the red slide. A little blonde girl with ugly, messy, straight bangs and long pigtails is blocking the entrance, staring at us with hatred. She looked about 11 or 12... I just checked, she's 11 about to turn 12 in a month.

"No androids OR adults are going down MY slide. Go away!" Fuckin hell. I hate these types of children. Just then another kid, a boy age 12, comes from behind us.

"Hey, kid. You're mama got caught giving up neck in the bathroom at the Detroit country club and he wasn't you're daddy."

"What?! You take that back! Y-you! Ehh, fuck you!" She's trying not to cry. Damn, that was brutal. This kid has obviously been watching the Boondocks which he should not.

"My, what a dirty mouth? Perhaps I should wash it out with the soap in the bathroom that belongs to the man you're mom is cheating on your daddy with." The little girl goes down the slide crying her eyes out. I don't remember that line from the episode.

"Damn, kid. I don't remember that line from The Boondocks."

"That's cuz it wasn't. Don't let that girl get to ya. She's like that with everyone."

 Wow, ok. Youth these days.

"Okay. And why are you so rude and mean? You're 12 and shouldn't be watching that show." Chloe says in a stern voice.

"Why are you on a children's playground? And you're not my parents so you can't say shit. Quick! get back!" 

"Dayum." We crouch behind a few objects to hide from the view of the little girl's oblivious parents who are dismissing her because they don't see shit. 

"Suckeerrs." I whispered. 

A few minutes later and we exit the play area and back to our booth.

"So have you figured out why you've been given the gift?" She asks me.

"No. Maybe the reason is just right in front of my face and I'm just too blind to realize but I can't for the life of me figure it out."

"Huh. I wish I could help you but this is something I just can't say anything about. You'll just have to be patient." Damn.

"UGH. I hate waiting! Anyways, I have some questions for you myself."

"Alright, then. Ask away!"

"Well, first, I was wondering-"

"If a person narrates my actions, too? Yes, in fact, it's happening as we speak."

"Um, alrighty then. Second thing, I was wondering about you're purpose."

"Oh, uh. Okay. Well. It's complicated. My purpose was to help shape how our lives turned out. For the outcome of the android revolution and the relationships of certain people. There are parallel universes with a me who has the same gift but have things change differently. I know who rA9 is." She whispered that last sentence.

"You do? Who?!" 

"It's hard to explain but rA9 is multiple people but at the same time, one person." What?

"I-I don't understand."

"I know you don't, that's why I said it's hard to explain. Each universe has a me who have attempted to guide rA9 but these rA9s are different in each one in both appearance and personality. In fact, our audiences have at least 1 rA9 and you don't even know it. rA9 is multiple people who live in the same universe who control a different universe. Each one controls outcomes. Most try to be alike and will have the same outcome or different. I could tell you so much but we only have so much time. I'm not allowed to tell you who exactly our rA9 is but know that without them, we wouldn't be here together. They shaped our universe in a way that is good and bad. There are universes in which your model doesn't exist, universes where the revolution has failed, ones where Markus has gone a violent route, ones where Connor never deviates, one where Kara shoots Todd or is distant from Alice or even dies early. Ones where Hank dies or Connor dies. So many outcomes and possibilities. Outcomes in which me and the Chloe's are affected."

"That. That is... Oh my god." I couldn't believe what she had told me but I have to. This is life changing, even for me. I don't understand. I thought I new everything but I guess I don't. I mean, yeah, I knew about the multiverse but some of those things not even I knew. I knew about the multiple outcomes and of course there had to be at least one universe where I didn't exist but this is news. An rA9 who isn't exactly one person but is? That controls our lives? In my audience? 

One of you?

Some of you have played our lives and controlled outcomes. My audience is the audience in which any one of you could be rA9? Do we even have free will? What else don't I know? Next you'll tell me I don't actually control my own life, heh. Right? I mean, I know about the fourth wall, I can't touch it or physically see it but I can mentally see it.

"That seems like a lot of pressure for you. How did you do it?" I asked.

"Series of questions and advice. when they enter the universe, I'm always there. I help guide them in a way. I give them tips and tell them things they should know. This is all I am able to tell you. I hope you understand. I know there are some things you know, too that you are unable to tell me or anyone else."

"Of course." Secrets. Of course I understand. It's like a sticky note on the fridge. Can't miss it. There are stuff I can't tell you guys so I understand perfectly. It's just annoying how we can't tell them to each other. But it being our job not to tear a hole into reality, we know not to. I may not know the reasons but I do know it's our job to keep reality together.

"You're audience. They all know me. Variations of me, but still me. They all know a me from a different universe and through the narrator, they all know the me from this universe. The audience and I know exactly how the universe goes for Detroit."

"Wow."

We talk for a bit more off the subject of the universe and talk about other stuff like more about each other. Personality, likes, dislikes. Ya know. Then we exit the fast food establishment and run along out merry way. This is all I have for you today but I will see you next time, of course. We will always see each other. Even when you least expect it. Bye!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if I told you I almost gave the little boy's lines to Chloe? The lines directed to the little girl, I mean. I thought about it and realized it's probably best not to have her say those things, especially to a kid. You guys would probably hate me, lol


	3. Walk, Walk Fashion Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day the fashionista in /Chad/ awoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I am not ready for school Monday. Halp

You know me.  _Chad_. The fashionable android with great taste in apparel. The android that wears Gucci, Versace, Cashmere, Louis Vuitton, Calvin Klein, Michael Kors, Ralph Lauren, etc. Of course, I also can pull off other brands such as Converse. A bit of normal to spice things up. I'm living prosperous in Detroit. I have multiple businesses left and right and nobody knows it. Only you people.  _My_ audience and  _my_ audience only.. 

I'm sorry. I can get a little attached sometimes. Anyways, lets get to the flashback. Meanwhile, I'll sit here narrating and listening to my jams. Alexa! Play All Star!

So remember the day me, Hank, Sumo, Connor, and Gavin went to Lake Michigan and everyone woke up and noticed I wasn't anywhere to be found until I pulled up the house? Let's rewind and take a look at when I first started to experience these fashion urges. 2 weeks prior to the vacay, I was sitting at my desk reading a Vogue magazine and strangely finding myself attracted to the clothes being worn by the models and judging them. Saying how that crimson maxi dress does not look good on the model's pear shaped body and hair style. 

"The dress especially doesn't go well with that skin tone. Do these people even know what they're doing?"

" _Chad_." All of a sudden I was snapped out of this strange trance by Gavin.

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"Ok.." From then on I just said my opinions in my head.

After about 40 minutes of going through 3 Vogue magazines, I went to the restroom to look at myself in the mirror. I was disgusting. My facial features were almost exactly the same, minus a few features and yet we were so different. Was it the icy blue eyes? I just don't look friendly compared to him. I tried smiling but something felt off and I knew exactly what it was. The uniform. It was ruining it all and giving off a different vibe. Connor has been looking for friendly and approachable since his wardrobe change. Have you guys ever noticed Connor wore jeans and not slacks back when he wore his CyberLife uniform? Though I hear that Connor and Gavin get up to some frisky business whenever Connor puts it on at Gavin's. You didn't hear this from me. Of course at work he still wears a button up, tie, and coat and yet he does wear jeans. Interesting choice in fashion. By the way, yes, I wore jeans, too. I don't understand CyberLife. You can't just give us half a suit. Whatever. Fortunately for me and Connor, we look good in anything we wear.

Excluding Crocs. No one looks good in Crocs. 

Anyways, as I looked at myself in the mirror, I began to analyse my outfit. Black and white CyberLife jacket, button up, tie, jeans, dress shoes. For fucks sake, who gave me this ridiculous collar? A turtleneck? Really? It looks like I broke my neck. This needed to change...

I sit at my desk and pick up the magazine and I'll do a quick scan on each of them and then I'll do a quick search on the internet and boy am I gonna have a field day today. So many options to choose from and yet only so many will fit together on me like a thousand piece puzzle.

I have to be original. Everything can't be fancy. I'll look like some rich douche so I'll have to change things up a bit. I'll compile a list of fashion wear I could choose from that are in stores in or near Detroit. I'll order them online if I have to. Lets see. I looks through my list of clothes and quickly put together multiple combinations for these items and find that I'm short on money. I can't just buy the few, it won't look good without the rest. Looks like I'll have to wait. I'm only short 700 dollars for the total of the items together. I can make that in a week. The money I make as a detective plus the money I make from my 4 other businesses is enough. I'll have more than enough, in fact. I'm fine.

**Vacation day**

As I sit in Hank's house waiting for Connor and Gavin to arrive, I'm reading Allure and Vogue magazines and reading about fashion designers. Lady Gaga is a really good one and she's only 51, turning 52 soon. I love her so much. She's my favorite artist and fashion designer and honestly I wouldn't know what I'd do without her.

_Time skip to the day Chad changed._

I can't do this anymore. For the past week, I've refused to wear any normal peasant clothes because they weren't good enough for my taste and still aren't. I wan't a specific set but I've only been able to find them piece by piece. So far I've gotten galaxy Converse high tops from a Journeys nearby Detroit and I've been able to get my hands on some Louis Vuitton gold aviator sunglasses. Everyone is still asleep. It's currently 6:00 AM so I have time to get what I need before they awaken. I should leave  _now_.

So I did. I took Hank's car and drove to some nearby shops and spent the time I had looking through stores.

I walk into an Abercrombie & Fitch store and look through the men's section for any jeans. These dark blue skinny jeans look nice. I should try them on.

They look nice. These will definitely look nice with whatever else I'm gonna get. I don't even have them yet and I already know. I pay and walk out the store and move on to the next place. Hot Topic. Nice.

I enter the Hot Topic and scope out any nice shirts I could find. I head towards the back of the store and look at all the designs displayed the wall and I see something perfect. Maybe if I wear these, the narrator will get a hint.

The shirt is light gray with black text that said 'I DON'T SPEAK  _ITALICS_ '. It's perfect. So now I have shoes, a shirt, jeans, and sunglasses. Something is missing... A jacket! 

I walk into a Nordstrom so see what they have and fortunately they have just what I was looking for. A black leather biker jacket. Two zipper pockets on each side of the chest, collar with buttons, and it's made by Michael Kors. Perfect.

As I'm walking towards the changing room, I see something out the corner of my eye that catches my attention. I guess you could say my fashion sense was tingling because what I see was not in good enough view for me to totally make it what it was but something tells me I need to check it out. I walk over and there they were, Black leather fingerless gloves with studs on the knuckles. I slowly pick them up and examine them before putting them on. I hold out my arms and get a good look at them. They look... Good. I'd never thought.. This wasn't apart of my list. I never even thought about wearing gloves until now. I need these. So I grab them and speed walk to the changing rooms as fast as I could.

I enter the changing rooms in my CyberLife uniform and strut out a new man. The perfect android. I whip out my pocket comb to fix my hair while still having the stray hair™. I feel complete. I look in a nearby mirror and do a few power poses and smile. I coulda sworn I saw a twinkle in my perfect teeth like you'd see in cartoons. Damn, I'm fine as hell!

**Present day**

Obviously I've been buying more for a wider variety in my wardrobe but I mostly wear the jacket and shoes. What about my sunglasses? Bitch, I wear those everyday, Those sunglasses are my baby. Would never leave anywhere without them. I wear the gloves on occasion and I wear the shirt once a week. I have 4 more pairs of shoes and 8 pairs of jeans, excluding my current ones and the ones from my uniform. I have a total of 10 pairs, basically. I have more shirts, too, of course. I have a total of 15. I have 2 jackets. My biker jacket and a Calvin Klein black tucker jacket. I mainly wear the biker jacket, though.

I've been asking Connor if he wanted anything but he keeps telling me no. I'll get him to agree on something, soon. I have my eyes on a few clothing items that I know would be perfect for him. I have 2 vests, 3 button ups, 1 shirt, 3 sweaters, 2 jackets, 1 coat, 4 shoes, and 2 pairs of pants in my wish list that I made for Connor. Soon. Soon he'll agree. I don't know when but I just know. God, how I wish I could see into the future. Whatever!

I'm done. Not much to tell but that's because I put it in brief. If I were to tell you detail for detail, this would never end. Fashion is my calling right next to memes, of course. I'll see you next time. Like always and forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, /Chad/ has more sense in fashion than I do. Oh, the irony. Then again, I don't think I could pull of anything I could pick. Eh.  
>  I'm giving so much imfo about him that if you were just to describe him, you'd immediately know who it is. He's the fashionista, wall breaking, memelord detective who loves Lady Gaga. That's /Chad/ alright and that's just the tip of the iceberg. All hail /Chad/


	4. 3 Sp00py 5 Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not waiting until October to write a Halloween chapter.  
> It's October 31st and /Chad/ wants to go trick or treating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dislike school.
> 
> YA'LL. CONVIN DISCORD MADE BY THIS BEAN->MARKUS PEREZ. I'm in it so if you wanna join, here's the link.  
> [ JOIN USS](https://discord.gg/AMEhub)  
> It does NOT expire!

IT'S HALLOWEEEEN, FUCKERRS. Well, for me anyways. Unless you're a late reader and are reading this in October. Yeah, I see you. Whatever. ANYWAYYS, I'm gonna go trick or treating with Hank, Connor, and Gavin. They don't know yet, though. SHH. Tonight I'm going as Austin Powers. I've got the blue outfit so I'm set to go. I still have to inform the others so Imma yeet to the station now.

"HAnk. HanK. HaNk. hANK. hank. HAAAAANNNK."

"WHAT."

"Hi." 

"You little-"

"no, no, no! There's more!"

"Better be good." I hadn't even realized he stood. Fuck, he's mad. Shit. Oof.

"Well uh. You see. I was hoping we could all go trick or treating tonight. I've already got a costume and-"

"Sure. Heh"

"But, Hank! I bought my co- wait. Did.. Did you just say yes?" Fuck, I didn't even. What?

"W-why?"

"You're making the same begging puppy face Connor uses on me when he wants something. No doubt that asshole, Reed taught him that." Of course.

"Awesome! Thanks, Dad." Wait, shit. Everybody's looking at me now. Fuck, what do I do?

"Why is everyone staring at me?" 

"You just called Lieutenant Anderson dad; you said thanks, dad." Fuck. Gavin has initiated the Brooklyn 9-9 quote and have trapped me. Curse my love for memes!

"What? No I didn't. I said thanks,  _man."_  

"Do you see me as a father figure,  _Chad_ _?"_

"No. If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering me."

"Hey, show your father some respect." Chris Miller, everybody. Chris loves yogurt?

"I didn't call him dad."

"No, no. Charles, I take it as a compliment." Yeah, my full name is Charles, you gotta problem? Bet some of ya didn't know  _Chad_ can be short for Char _les._ Fuck. How is it italicizing?!

"It's not a big deal. I called my girl mom once and she's my fiancée." When the fuck did Captain Allen get here? I didn't think he'd be the type to watch these kind of shows.

"Guys, jump on that. Captain Allen has psycho-sexual issues."

"Old news. But you calling Holt daddy." Connor, I know damn well you'd wanna talk about that.

"Hey, daddy is not on the table here."

"Well, you did call him dad, dude." The fuck? Even the suspect has seen it. Things sure are going swell. It's raining coincidences!

"You shut up. You've done nothing but lie since you got here."

"Okay, I was lying about the hold-up, but the daddy thing that happened." PHCK.

"Ah-ha. He admitted the alibi was a lie. All part of my crazy, devious plan."

"I believed you-"

"Thank you."

"-son. You want to talk about it later over a game of catch?"

"I'd like that."

Eh! The fuck are you looking at? Fuck off! Let's just.. Let's just move on. Ok?

_[Camera cuts out]_

* * *

 

I have my costume on and ready to go. Gavin and Connor didn't want to dress up initially but I was able to convince them to do it. They didn't really wanna dress up, though. Instead, they're wearing each others clothes. Connor is wearing Gavin's jacket, shirt, and jeans and was even able to get the scar on his nose. Being an android has its perks. He changed his hair color slightly and attempted his hairstyle. Connor has actually been walking around with his exact demeanor and using Gavin's voice instead of his own. Gavin, however, is wearing Connor's old uniform, has drawn on a blue LED and is trying his best to act like Connor but instead mocking him every chance he gets. Now they're going back and forth sexually and non sexually bantering with each other.

Thankfully, Connor is only using his Gavin voice when he wants to imitate him.

"Hi, my name is Connor. I'm the thot sent by CyberLife."

"I'm Detective Gavin Reed and I'm the biggest phcking tsundere ever."

"Hey! Am not! Asshole. And stop mocking me, I said fuck like that once."

"HAH!"

So it went on like that for a while but lets get down to Halloween business.

\----

"Yeah, baby!" I yelled, jumping out the door

"Dammit,  _Chad!_ " That was Connor. Like I said, they're acting like one another. It's quite entertaining.

"I have not mentioned this before but hearing you say these things is quite odd due to you having the same voice as Connor." Gavin tries so hard.

"I am a sexy beast!"

"For fucks sake!" Connor, however, is nailing it.

Hank didn't fucking dress up but I'll let it slide... This year.

_Knock knock_

nothing

_knock knock_

Still nothing.

_BANG BANG_

The door is violently swung open and a man in his late 50's appears. He's got long grey hair pulled back and a goatee. He dresses like he's from the 60's and I don't think it's for Halloween.

"The hell do you cunts wants?"

"C-candy?" I say, biggest smile I could muster. The man smiles and leans on the door frame.

"Is this a joke?" He asks, looking like he was gonna break any second, still smiling. He might have mumbled an 'unbelievable' but I wasn't paying much attention.

"No.."

_SLAM!_

"Fuckin humans." I said, slipping past the three.

We visit a few more houses who thought what we were doing was a joke but Halloween isn't just for kids. Unlike the old hoe, these people gave us candy. For some reason, though, Connor was getting more candy. Despite looking and acting like Gavin, Connor is a twink no matter what. 4 houses didn't give a fuck and just gave us candy. Connor called them dipshits when we got far enough that they couldn't hear because Connor is still Connor. Gavin told Connor he shouldn't say that. Hank fuckin left after the 4th house. We got back to Hank's place and he was passed out on the sofa with the TV on. He was watching Beetlejuice. Shit, better not say his name two more times. Connor, Gavin and I dumped our candy on the table and sat down and began sorting candy into our own piles. We wasted a bunch of time trading and sorting candy instead of eating them. But fuck that, ya know? We're adults, ya cunts.

This whole night was a big mistake and I should never had said anything. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll should consider joining the Discord server if you haven't. DO IT. We have a /Chad/ bot (made by me. Kinda. It's the Mee6 bot) and Gavin bot
> 
> I Don't care if this is short AF, take it. It's what I can get done. Be happy I was even able to post. I love you? Yes.


	5. There Can be Only Uno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uno dos tres cuatro, how many relationships can this game destroy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have posted anything in so long. I'm terribly sorry  
> [Link to the Convin Discord server](https://discord.gg/c6En49X)  
> [Link to my Tumblr](https://geronimouse.tumblr.com/)  
> My Tumblr also has a link to the server in my bio. More info about it in the end note

No se trata de divertirse. Se trata de ganar y vencer a todos. Joder amistades. 
    
    
    Nothing is sacred

In this house, you trust no one. It isn't safe. Betrayal is imminent no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Friendships are broken, relationships are destroyed, and it's nothing but hostility.

I Look down at my deck of cards. Each of us have 7 cards. I have 1 wild +4 card, 2 green cards, 1 blue, 2 reds, and a yellow reverse. I'm lucky to have each of every color and a wild card but I'm not sure how this will last. I'm fucked if we're on the color yellow or blue. True, I have the wild card but I have to be wise. Connor is a smart one. Gavin not so much.

Beside me are Connor and Hank. Across from me is Gavin. We're sitting at the dining table at Gavin's house. It's obvious Connor is trying to preconstruct what might happen. Me being the faster and more resilient model that I am, I have the advantage. Hank and Gavin say it's unfair but I don't care.

Hank is the first to go. He puts down a green 3.  _I'm so lucky._

It's my turn.

I glance at my two green cards and swiftly lay down a green 6. It's Connor's turn. He puts down a green 5. So far everything is going good and things are calm. We all have on a poker face and haven't made any expressions yet. Gavin's still face almost falters as he jerks his hand away from one card to another. He puts down a blue 6.  _Shit._ I make sure to keep a straight face as to not give away what is happening.

Hank scans his cards for a good 3 seconds before deciding on blue 2.  _My turn._ I put down a blue 1. I have no more blues. I am still determined to win. No way I'm losing to a couple of humans and a downgraded version of me. Connor lays a blue 4. After Hank, I'll have no choice but to use my wild card. And so early in the game, too.

Then it happened. The move to change the tides. The gunshot heard around the world. Hank wears the most wicked smirk as he slams down a blue reverse. I notice the look of pure hatred and shock on Gavin's face. Hank must have taken a peak at Gavin's deck while he was unaware. It's the only explanation.

"Oh, it's on, old man!" Gavin yells angrily as he snatches up card after card, trying to get at least one blue card.

Connor remains calm and silent as if nothing happened. I however hold a small smirk. 

Gavin slams down a blue +2. And that was when all of hell broke loose. Betrayed by his lover, Connor's poker face fell and is replaced by shock and then disgust. This was not good for Gavin. Connor picks up two cards and shoots him an ice cold death glare that Hank was positive to have been only worn by an RK900. 

"Sorry babe, I had to... Connor?" Gavin tried. Connor said nothing and didn't even spare him even a side glance.

Connor calmly places a blue 7 down. Well, here goes nothing. I put down my wild +4 card and say yellow. Hank looks at me with great disdain as he picks up his four cards. Hank continues to stare at me as he puts down a yellow cancel. Surely enough his face changes from hatred to amusement as he pans his head to look at Gavin. He used his anger to hide any hint of having any sort of good card. Smart.

Connor tries to hold back a snicker but ultimately fails. Gavin looks at him with a look that only said "What the fuck?". Connor puts down a yellow 5. This is good. I look down at my yellow reverse card. This is very good. I make sure to hide any emotion and I grab the card but make sure to hide just what it is with my hand while making sure not to raise any suspicion. I retract my hand and look at the expressions grow on Connor and Gavin's faces. This is perfect. A sinister grin forms on Connor's face as he slowly picks up and places down a card. This is just too good. Turns out Connor also has a yellow cancel. What are the odds? The mix of emotions on Gavin's face is indescribable. He's completely flabbergasted, that's for sure.

Hank has 8 cards, I have 4, Gavin has 11, and Connor has 6. I'm winning so far. Good.

Since Gavin got skipped, it's now Hank's turn. He puts down a yellow 9. I spot a red 9. I'm just one lucky android. It's like I was meant to win! Those suckers. I put the card down and I'm now down to 3 cards. Connor puts down a red reverse. I put down a red 8. I'm out of red cards but down to 2 cards. One more and it's uno and I basically win. I can sense Gavin staring me down, glaring daggers. Hank places down a green 8. Everyone seems to be thinking the same thing. They all wanna stop me from winning.

Not a chance.

Gavin, still staring at me, drops down a green 0. Connor is smirking at me which causes the other two to smile

"No way in Hell am I gonna lose to you." Hank said, turning his gaze to Connor's hand.

Connor puts down a green +2. Fuck!

I grab 2 cards from the deck. A yellow cancel and green reverse. Lucky me.

Gavin puts down a green 2. Connor puts down a green 3. I put down the reverse only for Connor to hit me back with a yellow reverse. This could not go any better! I put down the yellow cancel, skipping Hank. Hank groans into his hands as he leaves them there to cover up his entire face. I'm back to two cards.

Gavin looks at his deck for a few seconds and then grabs a card and puts it down. It's a yellow 1. Connor grabs a card and it's something I didn't expect. A green 1. I throw down my green 9 as fast as I can.

"UNO!" I quickly yell.

"What?!" Gavin exclaims.

"No fair! This fuckin' deck is rigged! Are you sure you shuffled it right, Connor?" Hank yells.

"I'm positive, Hank. I'm just as upset as you." Connor responds. These guys are idiots, amirite?

"Let's just continue playing, OK?" I say, adjusting one of my gloves. Hank mumbles something I can't quite make out, though it sounded vaguely like a 'Fuckin androids.' Gavin reluctantly agrees and Connor doesn't say anything.

Hank lazily throws in a green 4, as does Gavin but with a red 4. Red is just what I need to win. Connor grabs 2 cards from the deck and puts down a red +2. No. Fucking. Way.

Calm. Cool. Collected. Calm. Cool. Collected. Calm. Cool. Collected... Chaos. Cripple. Catastrophe.

I will not lose.

Hank is smirking and Gavin is trying to stifle a laugh.

"Come on,  _Chad_ _._ We have to keep playing the game." Gavin is.. Mocking me..

I shoot him a death glare similar to Connor's but icier. I straighten up, making myself appear taller and I watch as Gavin shrinks, his smile fading away. Hank chuckles a bit.

I play a red 1. Hank plays a red 6. Gavin plays a blue 6. Connor plays a yellow 6. I have no sixes or yellows. While the others laugh, I pick up the first card and it happens to be a yellow 9. Hank plays a wild cards and changes the color to green. Gavin also has a wild card and changes it back to yellow. Connor grabs 2 from the deck before putting down a yellow 2. I put down a blue 2.

"Uno!" I yell.

"PHCK!" Gavin yells, slamming his hands on the table.

"UUUGGGGHHH." Hank groans, banging his head on the table.

Connor just sighs as he rests his chin in the palm of his hand.

Hank throws down a blue cancel and Gavin huffs loudly. Connor plays a blue 5. I play a blue reverse. Connor plays a blue 4. Gavin plays a wild +4 card and selects red. Hank angrily grabs four cards from the deck and plays a red 2. I still have a chance to win. I have to win. I play a red 3. Connor puts down a red cancel.

"PHCK!"

"Uno."

"What the fuck?" Hank says, astonished.

"How the fuck?" Gavin questions.

"When the fuck?" I wonder.

Gavin, Hank, and even I have been so caught up in me winning that we completely forgot about Connor.

"Fuckin androids." Hank says, putting in a red +2.

"What the hell." This isn't supposed to happen.

"What? Don't like this new arrangement? Get used to it." Fuckin hell..

I grab 2 cards and play a red 0.

Connor puts down a red 4.

In other words, Connor won.

Connor. Won.

Connor. fucking won.

Connor.

I wanna yeet myself. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"HOLy sHIT." Hank leaves the room and goes to the living room.

"This isn't possible." I say.

"Well you better fucking believe it." _~~Japanese "anime" style Connor~~_ Gavin tells me. Then he gets up and storms out the room and to his bedroom, slamming the door closed. There was silence.

" _Chad?_ _"_

"What?"

"Fuckin' loser." Connor smirks and leaves the room to join Hank in the living room.

I can't believe it. Beat by my own predecessor.

 

This game is rigged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised, more info about the server. First off, let me say we have a /Chad/ bot (Mee6) with 24 commands with the most /Chad/ responses made. We also have a Gavin bot with custom responses created by Unacceptable Bisexual. We have just about all of your favorite Convin artists and writers, including Unnaceptable Bisexual, Deep in Mind, Markus Perez (the owner), Melting Angels (Love in Literature), Pan in the Sky, and more. You also get stuff you can't get anywhere else, such as art WIPs. Come and talk to us, we don't bite. I think. It's great, you should join if you haven't already. This isn't even everything.

**Author's Note:**

> If life gets you down, just do what Chad would do


End file.
